it seems so pointless, often times. to sit in the glow of this computer screen and expect something to happen. as if typing on these keys would somehow bring you closer, or console me because your are not, or act as some sort of a replacement for what it is i really need. better to use these fingers to fuck myself into a semi coma and to taste your name on my tongue before i slip off to sleep. at least that will feel real, somehow. more real than this.